I’m so gonna downward-dog your ass!
When it comes to yoga, honey, I’m one Ashtanga crazy beyatch throwing my Sun Salutation all up in ya face.
Don’t you come in here posin’ because up in this Y, we yoga tough. This ain’t your mamma’s yoga, this is extreme yoga.
Monkey pose … bam! Flying Crow pose … bam! That’s right. I’m not even spilling my latte. You scared now? You should be.
Uh oh … Upward Facing Dog … bam! That’s right. I’m doing the dog. Uh oh … did you hurt yourself? Why don’t you take a break and see how the big girls play.
Why don’t you sit there and watch me reach a state of perfect peace? Check it out … Bam! Peace! Right there. Just reached it. I reach inner peace faster than any of these chumps circular breathing in here. I got so much inner peace it’s shooting out my nose. But I’m not done yet … oh no. Lotus pose … bam! Headstand pose … bam!
How’s that? You’re like all upside down and stuff. Firefly pose… bam! Baby, look at me. I’m a firefly. My ass is lighting up and I’m flying around in my backyard on my peace wings. Damn, I’m good.
Give it up, honey. Why don’t you try some Jazzersize or something, because in here, yoga is for the big girls. Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu – Chump!
Posted in the local paper, a spoof about the yoga attitude at our YMCA-