Many of my blog reader friends are moms already. So, I’m sure I’m not telling you something new. But, before I became a mother, I had this view of me as “xena -warrior princess mom” able to accomplish anything in record time, while still loving nurturing and caring for my family. HA! More like “xena – too many loads of laundry, rarely showers, cranky in the morning, never accomplishes anything on her list mom” So, I only write the following entry because, though K is 19 months old, I am still stunned by the realization that being a mom isn’t more simple, and that it is accompanied by so many emotions (like rage, joy, saddness, enlightenment, exhaustion) that always seem to hit me, all of them, with in a very short span of time – say 20 minutes. I have some mom friends who say that becoming a mom has made their life simpler and easier…I say either you are fooling yourself, or you are on some really good meds! I thought that after a few months of being a mom, I would get things under control and have this gig figured out. No one ever told me that you give up your independance because now you have a twin who goes everywhere with you, needs everything from you and whom you love with such a fierce passion that you don’t ever want to think about what it would be like if she weren’t in your life. I love K so much that it hurts. I cry to think about the day when she won’t ask for ‘boobies’ anymore (but I desperately want to wean). My whole body feels lighter when I see her at my bed side in the morning saying “all done napping mommy” (but after being up all night trying to get her back to sleep, all I want to do is say “Come on! just go back to bed and give mommy a little more time to sleep!”) It’s such an amazing roller coaster ride! But, I feel like no one ever talked about this stuff before I had kids. I had no idea what I was in for. Or maybe I just didn’t listen. For the past few months I have been slowly reading this book “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott. (It’s actually a very fast read, but I haven’t had the time to devote to it). I would like to recommend this book to anyone who thinks they might have kids, are in the process, or who have kids! It is a mothers journal of the first year of her son’s life, no holds barred. And I love it. I find myself laughing so much because she can put into words the things that I have been feeling for so long but didn’t know how to express. And I find it very comforting to know that I am not the only one who thinks motherhood is hard. And though there are many moments that I feel like the worst mom in the world who just can’t hack it, I look at her and feel so lucky to have been blessed with an amazing daughter with a fantastic personality. Sometimes, when I feel off my rocker and start acting a little nutty, K approaches me with this ‘wise man on the hill’ look, tilts her head, puckers her lips and leans in for a kiss, as if to say, “It’s ok mommy. You’re doing just fine!”