Dazed and Confused

Well, Toby and I have been talking at length (my mouth is dry!!) about our goals and priorities for our family and life. On our way to Raleigh today we wrote down our priorities. Here is my list, in no particular order:

    Have time to spend with my family and my friends(what’s the point in having a family if you never get time to spend with them)
    Raise my family (meaning I don’t want to have to put K in daycare or have someone else be the mother figure to her so that I can spend more time at work)
    Creating a healthy family (I want the time to make cook healthy meals for the family and make herbal medicines for them, etc.)
    Work toward self-sufficiency and a sustainable home (homesteading) this one is a biggie!

When I read over my list I realized that no where in there did I mention anything about being a librarian or getting my MLS degree. And any jobs that I think I would enjoy doing after graduating probably wouldn’t even require an MLS degree. So, I am really trying to hash out why I am in this program and if it is beneficial to my goals or just a side step. I am really enjoying it. The intellectual stimulation and the people are wonderful. But that’s no reason to pay thousands of dollars. If what Toby and I want is to live more simply, more sustainably, to work the land and to get the word out to other people about living more gently on the earth, then what will an MLS get me? Contacts, yes, knowledge, yes, but I could also be taking classes at the CCCC that are directly related to sustainability while still developing contacts and gaining knowledge. I just don’t know. I know I will ultimately be happier if I get out of this rat race, but I grew up in this society and it’s hard to get rid of that little voice that keeps saying “make more money”. “buy more things”, “you need recognition from your job”. Being a mother and living simple and healthy lives gets no recognition in the society. Plus, I know that there are many things that I could learn from this program and I feel like a failure when I think about quitting, but, like I said, I feel like I am taking side steps instead of walking a straight line. Usually there is some over riding factor that makes it easier to make a hard decision like this, but there is nothing here. I just don’t know which decision would be more beneficial for everyone involved. I’d love to hear your thoughts… (if it’s too much to put in the comment section, please email me directly

One thought on “Dazed and Confused

  1. I’ve been thinking about you and your concerns with this….hope you all are coming to a good decision for your family. It’s such a crazy thing, trying to figure this all out.

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